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Conflict is a part of life, and if we can help our kids respond to and manage conflict successfully, we’re setting the stage for them to be socially healthy.

Socially healthy children get along with others, and when disagreements happen, they can peacefully resolve them. Set an example by showing children positive ways to resolve conflict, like talking through problems calmly. Use arguments or disagreements at home as an opportunity to show peaceful ways of solving problems.

Conflict resolution skills play an important role in healthy friendship development. A child who struggles to cope with frustration, for example, is likely to project that frustration onto a friend. A child who has difficulty finding solutions to friendship problems might feel hopeless when an argument occurs. A child who doesn’t know how to verbalize his feelings will likely freeze up and shut down when conflict arises.

The good news is that young children can learn to manage emotions and conflict that will help them handle tricky friendship situations. With a few strategies, kids can become problem solvers and maintain friendships, even when conflict occurs.

Teach the stoplight. Ask your child to close her eyes and picture a stoplight. When the red light is on, they should take three deep breaths and think of something calming. When the light turns yellow, it’s time to evaluate the problem. Can they handle this on their own? Do they need adult help? Think of two problem-solving strategies that might work. When the light turns green, choose a plan (ask for help, go outside, listen to music, take a walk) and give it a try.

Using the red light to calm down helps children understand the problem and choose a strategy. Practicing the stoplight when your child is calm will also help your child remember the process.

Model empathy. It’s natural for young children to feel overwhelmed with big emotions when encountering a friendship problem. Listening and showing empathy helps kids feel heard and understood, and it helps them learn how to empathize with others.

When your child comes to you to vent about an issue with a friend, remember those younger years and empathize: “It sounds like you had a hard time with your friend today. I can hear that you’re frustrated and upset.” It’s okay for kids to experience heated emotions; it’s what they do to work through those emotions that matters.

Parents don’t have to solve every problem. In fact, we shouldn’t. Providing a non-judgmental opportunity to process emotions is the best support.

Practice talking about feelings. Young children tend to react quickly to upsetting events. They need to practice talking about their feelings healthily and calmly.

Teach your child to use “I feel” statements when upset with a friend. When kids learn to use these statements, they focus on how a behavior affected them without placing blame on others. If a child can say, “I feel angry when something is grabbed out of my hands—please don’t do that,” they are naming the feeling and the behavior without arguing or placing blame. It is also helpful for them to recognize the feelings of others in a situation of conflict.

Remember, kids will experience ups and downs with their friends as they grow and change. That’s part of growing up. By preparing them with strategies to cope with these situations, we give them the tools to work through obstacles and preserve their friendships.