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As parents of teens, we’ve all received the “silent treatment” at one time or another. This can be hard to accept, especially when you and your child have enjoyed a close relationship, and nothing has changed on your end.

The first thing to do is take a breath and understand that pulling away from parents is normal and a necessary developmental stage of adolescence. Navigating this transition toward independence is difficult, and as much as teens may hate to admit it, they still need parents to stay connected and involved in their lives. 

Most teens say they want to be closer to their parents. Sometimes they need to separate temporarily to process their thoughts.

It usually happens like this: You and your teen used to be affectionate and close. They told you everything, and the conversation was easy and constant. Now there’s a change, and texting and talking with friends has replaced the talks they used to have with you. They might respond to you with one-word answers and annoying eye-rolling.

What should you do? Here are some suggestions for strengthening your relationship while giving your teen their space:

Try not to take their actions personally. Realize that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing—this is a normal stage of development for teenagers. Focusing on peer relationships and developing self-identity are normal stages of teenage development. It is a necessary step to becoming happy, independent adults.

Continue to offer activities you’ve enjoyed doing together—whether it’s sharing a meal or snack, going for a walk, or watching a favorite TV show. Positive interactions make it less likely they will push you away.

Don’t pump for information, but you can generally inquire about their day. You can also share something funny or interesting about your own life. If you share, they are more likely to do the same.

Talk to them with respect and let them know you value their opinion. Teenagers can be emotional, but they don’t want to be disrespected. By saying something like, “I know you’re upset, but you aren’t normally unkind,” you can create the beginning of a conversation. You can also offer another time to talk, once they’ve had a chance to calm down.

Remember, it's not about you when it comes to the silent treatment. The key is to pick your battles and give your child room to grow while prioritizing your child’s health and well-being.  That means staying connected even when it’s not easy.